SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
by Eric Neo Matrix
Summary: Sonic the Hedgehog does not wish to know eternity, so he discusses life with a famous author.
1. Chapter 1

It was a lovely afternoon in Station Square, the streets moist with semen and Jesus's piss. Everybody was happy as fuck because it was the day Lauren Faust showed her tits on 4Chan, and when she did, Allah was enraged and sent down a divine terrorist to resurrect Osama Bin Laden so he could kill Lauren Faust.

The terrorist completed his quest and made sure Osama was ready to hijack an airplane by giving him a magical turban that allowed him to shoot box cutters out of his penis. Osama Bin Laden went on a long trip home to the land of Saudi Arabia. When he came home, a battalion of U.S. marines were loading up babies into the back of a dump truck.

Osama Bin Laden dropped his trousers and got a firm grip on his 4-foot saggy cock and directed it toward the grinning marines, currently too engaged in curb stomping unarmed civilians to notice Osama planning his cock-shocking attack.

But then, just as he was about to cum a devastating beam of box cutters, Uncle Sam, the legendary republican, came plummeting down from the heavens. He landed on Osama's head and crushed his head between his firm thighs. Uncle Sam was most pleased by the result of the attack and came buckets. He came so much that his trousers stuck to his legs and his semen ran out onto the sand, creating a lake. The lake rose until it engulfed the city and drowned everybody in patriotic semen. Isn't this making you so hard? I bet it is you fucking nigger kike.

Meanwhile, back in Station Square, everybody was panicking and the National Guard had declined their requests of evacuation, because there were too many fat, middle-aged neck-beards impossible to evacuate. There was a massive tidal wave of semen barrowing down from the coast about to total their fair city. Everybody gathered in the park for one last circle jerk to bukkake porn. Just as they finished coating each other in thick yellow sperm, the wave was finally in sight. Everybody started crying and making gay-ass moans of faggotry.

Just then, the wave stopped. It smashed up against the invisible field of faggotry around the city and everybody cheered and jerked it in happiness.

With a roar of laughter, Tails ate the space warthog's ruined skull. He turned to Sonic, body dripping with ichor and pus with fanatical homosex.

"Sonic, you..."

Sonic vomited several bucketfuls of infected flesh. "I am no Sonic."

A warthog's eye socket glowed with vibrant hellfire and Tails dodged, digging his whirring sword into the warthog's abdomen and dipping his tails in a tsunami of gore. Osama was torn to naught, his flesh distintigrating and melting and all other ways a body could decay.

"I am no Sonic."

His spines of tentacles and snakes writhed through the air and rendered oblivion in their wake. His skin turned jet-black, a niggardly color that betrayed his transformation.

I am... Sonique!"

The heavens roared and angels fell into weeping ecstasy before they cowered in terror at the might of his nigger member that now shone like the sun. Metalloid bloodswords ripped from his veins and struck down every heathen planet that dared glory forced the warthogs to begin their fornication of lust for all eternity, and they scream to this very day children.


	2. Chapter 2

"Kneel."

Tails knelt before the great goddess who had appeared before him.

With catlike swipes, Sonique withdrew her mighty titanslaying bass Shitskull, from a dimension of eternal pain and suffering, wrought from divine promises, hewn from the diamond of a trillion galaxies, pulsing with the blood of prepubescent boys and forged from the hearts of the devil's finest. It screamed and snorted as it was unleashed, but only one as Sonique could understand it.

She swung the perch through Tails's scrawny head, bursting it asunder. She took the head of her fallen foxslave and stuffed it into her anus, connecting them forevermore. Sonique then expelled gas and summoned great comets from the void to kill everyone on Mobius for no reason at all. And then he had a vision. It was Mohammad the Great Nigger, calling the hedgehog from his underwater fort that wasn't underwater.

"Sonique, you must rock the fuck out."

And so she did, boys and girls and dear readers. Sonique channeled her rage through Shitskull. The boy blood within simmered and boiled. She summoned a great meteor, swathed with the semen of a thousand wanks, leapt onto it, and flew into space. She encased the whole meteor in a ball of holy shitfire and flew through Saturn, killing the shit out of it. Then she sent the carcass of Neptune through Saturn, killing the shit out of it and making every testicle in the universe explode, each singing religious hymns and angelic love.

"Oh don't you go there! Imma strong independent black hedgehog who don't need no Prophet!"

Sonique did then fly through the void, punching bishops in the face with her fists encase in shitfire and throwing their ruined heads into the future where they continued to spear children with their members. Then she did receive another vision from Yolkman, who was eating wetback food with the president of Palestine.

"Chili dog, my friend?"

"That ain't weed!"


	3. Chapter 3

Sonique slammed the food down. It wasn't really food because the meat was formed from fetuses and the bread was made of headless chickens making love to little ponies made from marshmellows. But it was still food.

"Knackles, if you stop licking that emerald we'll starve and no one shall slaughter everyone and their gods in the universe!"

"I am not Knickles." The ancient furry dropped some of the galaxies he juggled. "The power has shifted. I am Kneckles of the Republican clan."

He flexed one of his arms made of nuclear missiles and punched a planet so that its population of inbred chinamen lost their beards.

Sonique gave a glance towards the chili dog made of manflesh that had suddenly appeared in her hand. Hideous and beautiful moans emanated from its moist folds. She was hungry. She looked at a nearby cup. It had wizards laying on the bottom. She thought about weed.

Her thoughts came into being. Jesus stood before her, his mighty penis shining with the power of a billion suns.

"Jesus, why haven't you called me? I have a fantasy about a bottle of chocolate sauce, a turkey baster, 3 raw eggs, and an Easter basket. What I did that one day was unforgivable I know, but I need your dirty club in my butthole, and I can't stand it any longer! Jesus, please forgive me! Amen."

"You are forgiven."

She leaned over and started frenching with the Lord, and the homosex caused Pluto to turn to mush. Why? Because it did.

Kneckles was turned on.


	4. Chapter 4

"I LIKE YOUR BOOTY, BUT I'M NOT GAY," Sonique's voice reverberated through the halls of Valhalla, where women made love to eels and dragons breathed their unholy countenance upon the constellations.

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Amy of the Slaying Shitgobblers screamed through her speakers, trying hard to focus on her newest arrival. It was a struggling, emo young man, guilty of writing attempted literary criticism and deconstruction on TVTropes. (Which were all true.)

Sonique desperately attempted to cover her bleeding mouth, but the hot beats spewed forth, reverberating with the pornographic bass hits. "I LIKE YOUR BOOTY, BUT I'M NOT GAY."

Mohammed the Great Nigger, his fried chicken made of human flesh and his watermelon from vaginas, angrily throw the book he was reading, depicting the holy orgasm of the holy Eggman, and unleashed the Egg's undead fury on it once more with his eye gatlings. The prose and grammar of the book was terrible, completely blaspheming his holiness.

Sonique thought about fried chicken.


	5. Chapter 5

Sonic, changed back into a male like the filthy tumblrite he was, was being groped. First Jose used the taco. Then Vasquez asked Sonic if he wanted to watch the Pope moon them.

Sonic's clothes flew right off. He was wearing a dance belt. The Mexicans were wearing them too.

As matter and antimatter combined around them, they realized that they were all birds of a feather.


	6. Chapter 6

"You're too fat to fly," Knuckles drawled, swatting a fly off his wrinkled neck.

Just then, Sonique and Tails plummeted into hell, accidentally taking Rouge with them.

Rouge sighed, replacing her dentures and readjusting her shit-stained overalls. She leaned back, enjoying the now quiet night. Reminded her of bayou country.

But the power of yuri was not to be underestimated, and her kick sent the echidna's carcass into the infinite hordes of the multiverse, destroying the great evil once and for all. She joined Sonique and leapt back on the planet, screaming forth and destroying the cans with the shitfire spewed from her gatling, until it reached the leader.

Knuckles was fuckslain, and the furries rejoiced with a good viewing of "Take my Breath Away", yiffing under the beautiful stars.

Tails giggled. He thought about yuri.


End file.
